Eating Hashish, Ending Up In A Nightmare

My head is still not really clear, excuse me if this post is unorganised.

Yesterday in the evening I was biking and listening to Mumford and Sons. I got really inspired to make my own music after I came home - and I thought it would be the best if I would get some hash to eat it en making music stoned.

So I got on my bike again and headed to the Coffee Shop to get some hash. Finally I bought some "calm, stoned kind" for 10 euros (about 13 dollars).

I went back home and made thee of the half of it.

One hour after I drank it I began to feel some tingling in my head. Because I considered the effect to be too light I decided to eat the other half of the portion.

One more hour later I felt as terrible as never before. I lost control totally, I could not organise my thoughts, what I was doing and I was terribly afraid that someone would find me, someone would knock on the door, call me, what ever. My hart was beating like crazy.

My biggest fear was that if the rest of the hash takes up in my belly I was going to lose consciousness. I was in totally panic.

Thinking. One hour ago I eat the last pieces of the hashish. It takes 3 hours for your stomach to digest the food. So I can prevent myself getting even more high if I throw up. So I just did purge even it is against my therapy (I'm in a therapy for bulimia and the goal is that I don't purge anymore). There was almost nothing in my belly and it took a great effort to get is empty but I still did. It was the only way to get out that shit of my stomach and to make sure it won't get worse.

After I purged I began to feel real, real bad. My lips got purple. I was spitting blood for almost an hour after I threw up. I checked my blood pressure, it was 190/120. Pulse 160 even though I was sitting. I checked it again, it was still 190/120. Blood coming out of stomach. I was sure it was the end. After abusing my body for more than 20 years it finally gives it in.

For the next 3 hours I was just sitting in my armchair. Nothing mattered, I just did not want to feel anything.

Now, after 26 hours of eating that shit I'm still not totally clear in my head.

And I was never, ever so happy as now not being high and stoned.