I was four years old when my mother left to Finland for 3 months. I could not understand the meaning of time, how long three months were, where my mother was, why she left us (my sister was 2 back then). I did not even know if she ever comes back. Suddenly she just was not there anymore. She was not there for a day, the night after, she did not came back the next day, next week, she just disappeared. I was not prepared for her absence.
The space my mother left had to be filled in. I have a couple of memories from those months, each of compensating the want of my mother.
One of them is that I was watching a movie on the TV. It was probably a western with a beautiful and very temperamental gispy woman. I could not leave the TV, seeing her gave me a fulfilment that I never experienced never before. It sounds funny perhaps but that 4 years old nipper fell in love with that woman. I'm pretty convinced that my pornaddiction and passionate jonesing for women was rooted on it.
An other remembrance of that time is that I loved toasted white bread with hungarian sausages. My father took notice of that food kept me calm and when I eat I did not miss my mother so much. When my mother came home after three months she noticed immediately that I was gaining weight.
My conclusion is that as a four years old guy I learned to feel good through eating and women.
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